41 Reasons Republicans Vote For Trump

41 Reasons Republicans Vote For Trump

By David Shadrick

Over the last weekend, I spent some time thinking about the many reasons why Republicans keep voting for Donald Trump. I realized that many liberals may not understand the phenomenon; so I thought it might be a good time to highlight some of Trump’s special moments. Each MAGA follower has a different reason for their allegiance; below is a list of just a few reasons that will cause Republicans, to once again vote for their favorite Mango Mussolini:

1. Missile defense systems go ding, ding, ding,  woosh-boom
2. Trump being able to pinpoint the importance of the Revolutionary War patriots capturing the airports from the redcoats when the rest of the world missed it.
3. His soaring confidence on daily display. Today, Trump said he was sure to beat Barack Obama this time. Full faith assault from the Trumpster.
4. Public faith in Trump’s promise that he is the only one that can prevent World War 2.
5. His fevered commitment to re-institute the search for Hillary’s missing server.
6. His undisputed Poster Boy status for the white Christian supremacist movement. He ascended to that position after claiming white supremacists were very fine people at a rally where a young woman was  killed by a white supremacist. The level of disgust is immeasurable; I guess that’s why his faithful love it.
7. Donald’s phenomenal ability to conceal the purpose of his strange island escapes with kinky Jeffrey Epstein.
8. His standout performance in managing to bankrupt his Atlantic City casino. I have to admit this one took real talent and perseverance and I might add a lot of criminal activity. Go Donald.
9. The little known fact is that if Trump had invested the $480 million he got from daddy back in the 80’s instead of ripping off average folks with fraudulent schemes, he would actually be as wealthy as he now falsely claims he is. So I assume the voting factor here is that he has an amazing talent for spending other people’s money.
10. Trump must be a great business man and negotiator, his followers argue, wasn’t he sharp enough to convince a judge that he should only have to pay $25 million to settle the Trump University students claims of fraud? Is that what it means to be a “stable genius?”
11. Watching the amazing feat of converting his original White House staff and cabinet members (all Republicans) into whistleblowers and book authors. Our heads are still spinning over that incredible result; one best seller after another, a feat to remain unduplicated in our life times.
12. Republicans apparently delight in Trump’s cheap shots and insulting nicknames tossed at those who oppose him or just a powerless person like Ruby Freeman. Laughing at other people is MAGA escapism.
13. His decision to fire Alexander Vindman’s twin brother Yevgeny from the administration, because he looked like his whistleblowing brother. More praise for the king-god being able to get a two-for-one termination.
14. Having the guts to appear everyday, out walking around in public, in stage makeup.
15. Again, brave enough to face the cameras with open suit jacket unable to conceal his plate of pancakes six pack.
16. His near limitless ability to self promote; creating a notorious braggart of immeasurable proportions. Size matters, at least in some things.
17. Man, woman, TV, refrigerator, elephant.
18. His habit of talking when the helicopter blades are turning.
19. Recognizes friendly admirers in a crowd and has an elevated ability to seek out softball questions.
20. Famous for his golden toilets. I’ve wondered if this isn’t some form of compensation? Maybe we should ask a Republican what it is about gold toilets that make people think Donald is cool, rather than weird.
21. Staying in the golden touch department. Trump has elevated McDonald’s to White House cuisine.
22. Trump is such a Diet Coke fan that he had a button installed on his White House desk to order them express. Now, that is ingenious. Maybe I am not showing enough respect for his inventive spirit.
23. Trump’s revered place in the WWE pro wrestling Hall of Fame. Certainly a first for an American president. Another first place. They just keep adding up, I have to admit it.
24. Back to compensation, according to stormy Daniels Trump has an exceedingly small penis with a peculiar mushroom top. I’m not sure why that would encourage the vote, but in some depths of the Republican Party there is; I’m sure, empathy for the poor man.
25. Managing the news so adroitly that his former “attorney/fixer”, Michael Cohen, was sent to prison for three years for election fraud done for Donald Trump’s benefit.
26. Totally destroying Rudy Giuliani, “America’s Mayor’s” reputation in record setting time. One record setting event, after another. Amazing. Go Donald.
27. His immense capacity to hate; the depth and breadth of it is unsurpassed in modern politics.
28. Trump’s  ability to call our dead soldiers “suckers” and the military “a failure of liberal woke-ness” and still get most of the military votes. Astounding, you got this one, Donald.
29. There’s been a lot of discussion of a recent diagnosis of Cranial Rectal Inversion Syndrome, that  may possibly bring out the sympathy vote. We’ll have to wait on this one, unprecedented, I must say.
30. Trump and MAGA have taken over the American flag as its political symbol, as if liberals were not patriotic; and boy, oh boy, are the Republicans giddy over that accomplishment.
31. Then there’s Trump’s unrestrained enthusiasm at the possibility of shooting migrants as they attempt to cross our southern border.
32. His ability to demand that we “build a wall” in every recorded speech, without missing once, for nearly a decade. How does he do it?
33. Pride in Trump’s ability to uncover treatments for COVID; such as exposing the inside of the body to light, or that unimaginable idea (prior to Donald, that is) of injecting bleach directly into the blood stream. An amazing research scientist, so ahead of his time, all without education. His natural powers of deduction far surpassing the Fauci crowd.
34. Without any meteorological training Trump attempted to predict the path of Hurricane Dorian. No other president has drawn with a black sharpie like their Donald, sadly he was about 1200 miles off on his landfall prediction, but again he was the first president to ever attempt such a prediction. Get the man another sharpie!
35. Due to his habit of inflating real estate prices he has topped the list of fraudsters in New York. How does he continue to exceed expectations. It just never stops.
36. Trump far exceeds other former presidents in the felony indictment department, also. Donald Trump is in fact the first and only man in presidential history to have even one felony count brought against him. His exceptionalism is undeniable.
37. Well certainly, if Trump is re-elected he could establish another first for presidents by being the first to wear an ankle bracelet.
38. We got another Trump first; the only U.S. president to attempt to overturn the government by insurrection and refusal to leave office. Startling; may I say, unprecedented. Donald’s creativity shines like no other.
39. The first president since 1895 that hasn’t known how to drive a car. Zoom, zoom.
40. His continuing reassurance that he is “a very stable genius.”  This one I don’t understand unless the belief comes because of his constant repetition of the  phrase.
41. Trump’s ability to convince people he is as dumb as a rock, or a man with the intellect of a fifth grader, and then slap them down with a “you’re fired”!

I know I’ve just scratched the surface of all the reasons to vote for Trump but I have reached my 500-word limit and so we will have to continue this in another article. Get registered. Vote.